Living with alcohol is like a love triangle - you , him and his addiction. Dangerous habit , your partner treats his time, attention and energies . It can not belong to you , because he is not free.
Alcohol is not necessarily a man who walked unsteadily with a bottle and get drunk until he lost consciousness. If he does not drink from morning to night , this does not mean that it is not dependent on alcohol . Alcohol - is the one who can not live without alcohol. Course means a bottle of beer an alcohol it is not , if you drink in a day of rest. But several bottles of beer every day after work - that's alcoholism. It is very difficult to detect sings the first stage of this disease. Everything usually starts controlled with drunkenness . " To relax " in every party , presentation , banquet , dinner with clients or at home Unfortunately, all alcoholic beverages takes systematically in a company runs the risk of becoming an alcoholic . And the people in the alcoholism predisposes to pass very quickly through this phase .
The majority of alcoholics categorically to refuse their addiction . Why admit it - means agree with the fact that you are helpless , that you live in a constant nightmare , and come down . The worst thing is to alcoholism in that it deprives a person the desire to get rid of this bad habit , it limits the ability to hear and share. A person is unable emotional closeness .
If you love an alcoholic , ready to be that the following things appear in your life mutual :
- Electrical and inconsistent behavior ;
- Access to anger and violence ;
- Longer periods of depression ;
- Irresponsibility ;
- Numbness and coldness ;
- Reduction of sexual activity ;
- Quarrels and scandals ;
- Constant stimulus ;
- The instability of relationships.
If you are married alcohol, not to close its eyes to this problem. Your partner is seriously ill , he needs professional help . This may seem too strong, but any professional will tell you that patience , understanding and love can not be a cure for alcoholism . To be continuous and to understand, to love to indulge his addiction . Judge for yourself: he continues to drink , nothing changes in his behavior , and you are always near , to solve their problems , to read , to understand, to forgive . Why should you change your habits ? He must strive if all goes the same way , no matter what he does?
Your partner just do not think about it. In addition, he will deny his illness. They will say that it is not finished yet, that's not so easy to and so on will have to wait for the right time . All of this is an excuse - " . A complex of Denial "
It is very difficult to come out of such relationships. You may feel that you are a traitor , giving a blow to your partner. An unconscious guilt can prevent these relationships to break , even if your life turns out to be hell to be with him .
The presence of children in the family can complicate the situation. The parents of the child is dependent , are too weak to protect him. In fact, the family is often a source of threat and harm to a child , not a source of protection and safety. When parents fight with each other or fight with their problems , do not have time for children. As a result, a child is thirsty for love , do not know if they were to trust that feeling , and in fact , if you look unworthy of love .
The experience gained in this family has to try a destructive effect on a personality, which is why those who have this experience are to be strong, the other is to help. You need those who can help you to feel safe. Only in this way may feel necessary. In this way, the circuit is blocked. A child who grew up in a family with an alcoholic, often choosing a partner like himself, or is an alcoholic.
Normal loving relationships are possible only when a person takes over and gets rid of his addiction harmful. Until he is free, he will not be able to give you what you need . At least , love yourself - let that person until the situation worsens .
What to do ?
- Stop playing a role of a "savior " . The members of a family often try to help an alcoholic to get out of various situations with alcohol abuse. It is important to let go of all these measures of human life - to get savings , so that would be an alcoholic, the consequences of his own drunkenness to respond in full measure - as a result , the desire to stop drinking may appear in it.
- The members of a family often try to help an alcoholic to get out of various situations with alcohol abuse. It is important to let go of all these measures of human life - to get savings , so that would be an alcoholic, the consequences of his own drunkenness to respond in full measure - as a result , the desire to stop drinking may appear in it.
- Search with support for themselves. It does not matter if an alcoholic accept treatment or not, the support of other people to be useful, and also the help of professionals to investigate this problem. Group training will help you to understand that you are not responsible for the actions of partner , and that you need to take care of themselves , regardless of the contract disagreement alcohol treatment .
- Tell your partner that wants to live with him. He explains that you should be with him in a clause - if you have applied for help immediately . Be prepared to meet your threat. If a partner does not immediately not on measures to break up with him seriously. Do not go back until a complete cure until his behavior changes radically .
- Be willing to help. Gather information about the different methods of treatment in advance. If an alcoholic is committed to the treatment, you have to make the first visit by a doctor together . However, it is important here not to take the responsibility on you , if not, everything will go the same way . A partner must understand that everything depends only on him.
They are to blame?
There are several grounds upon which to keep people inclined to these reports . In addition, often a woman, who share an alcohol is a little more " time after ...
- Family history
Life is like a journey with alcohol daily. Lifts and breakdowns , the surprises , the maneuvers and the suddenness cause instability constant stirring of the nervous system . If a serious injury occurs, then the next day a person feel some emotional recovery . This is a shock, because a sense of the body, and the adrenaline in the blood thrown extremely large amounts . And : . . " Adrenaline , euphoria caused When you're struggling with depression, then you are in search of unconsciously situations hold in the excited state , if you grew up in a family of alcoholics , then depression, probably has two reasons : your past and your genetic makeup. suffer excitement of the relationship with a person with this disease , it can gain a lot .
Life is like a journey with alcohol daily. Lifts and breakdowns , the surprises , the maneuvers and the suddenness cause instability constant stirring of the nervous system . If a serious injury occurs, then the next day a person feel some emotional recovery . This is a shock, because a sense of the body, and the adrenaline in the blood thrown extremely large amounts . And : . . " Adrenaline , euphoria caused When you're struggling with depression, then you are in search of unconsciously situations hold in the excited state , if you grew up in a family of alcoholics , then depression, probably has two reasons : your past and your genetic makeup.
- Fear of responsibility for themselves
You want to feel their superiority , size . If you . Near your partner , whose life is chaotic , you begin to feel better , smarter, more efficient Playing as a hero , you can close your eyes to your disability, your weakness. Chumming with people whose problems require a solution , or reaching disadvantaged chaotic, uncertain and emotionally , to avoid the idea of responsibility for their own lives. Go deep into the dramatic problems that they refuse to look within themselves and make wise decisions about important aspects of life.
- Syndrome a lifesaving
You must be controlled. If you are in a situation when you need to save your partner, you get tremendous power over him. This is one of the most efficient methods of handling more people. Unconsciously, this person is guided by the fear of loneliness and infidelity, so he offers his safety , with key positions. You need a partner that needs to be rescued all the time - that's the only way to feel that they are competent and safe. You can use your partner in your own way , no less than one uses.
- Love is a drug
You can use your relationships as an anesthetic , avoiding the feeling that he to feel alone. The agonizing communication with a man is , the more it will distract from the reality. Details of the most terrible that the same reason as a string narcotics makes for a very complete drug addict . But you are anti-social without a partner , you can emphasize your attention.
- idealization
It conjures up an image of an ideal partner and live in your own world of fantasies. In this world, a partner who are dissatisfied , turn out to be the man of your dreams, but only with your help turns . She did not want to focus on a real person , but your imagination as well as he could be, and you are ready to do everything in your power this. It looks like a happy moment in a get something . " But a person can only change if he wants to .
If you attracted people who suffer from severe problems , ask yourself if you pity to stir with love ? If I inclined to co-dependency ? A keyword in the reports of people 's respect. You should not only love your partner , but also respect for him , proud of him. Take the time to decide what you want to love relationships , and then take a decisive step towards itself.
When life pushes you into a corner and not know how to find a way out of the situation - tell your problems in our blog or forum. Our psychologist - and readers consultant will assess the situation from their direction , say their opinion and suggest ways to address them.
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